Party Girl or Spiritual Seeker?

Day 34

“We are spiritual beings in this illusionary world, and we come here to seek experience. So, there is no real “good” and “bad”, no judgement, just experience.”

– Rajni Kurichh

If you knew me 20+ years ago, but haven’t kept in touch, and you started reading this blog, you’d wonder who this animal-loving-vegan-touting-woo-woo-spewing-its-all-good-imposter was, and what happened to the real Rajni.

I have always been a thinker, pondering the philosophical questions, that hasn’t changed, but I was a bit of a wild child when I was younger. Not Lindsay Lohan style, but I was definitely more into going out and partying than staying home on a Saturday night, watching a movie and curling up with my cat. I wasn’t all that concerned with following rules, but that hasn’t changed. I had a strong opinion about most things; there wasn’t a lot of grey in my world, it was mostly black or white. I had a quick temper, and lot to prove to the world. Boy, have I mellowed.

I don’t really see things in black and white anymore, and not grey either, it’s all white, white light, no more judgement, well at least that’s what I strive for, and succeed most of the time. That’s spiritual growth for the most part, but I had it right for some things intrinsically right from the start, like living life unfiltered, and I definitely believed that I could be, do or have anything. Once I set my mind to achieving something, there was no stopping me. I am grateful for all of it.

I don’t go out and party like I did in my 20s anymore, but now I see the absolute perfection in being carefree without judgement – that is who we really are.

I still have a zest for life, but my expression of who I am is different. My thoughts and beliefs have changed. When I was younger I thought that I was doing my own thing, and rules be damned, now I believe that I’m doing my own thing, and there are no rules. The governing authority that I adhere to is different – it used to be my parents, society, morality and the law, now it’s Self. Universal Self. God Self. Self.

So, now that I have no external body to turn to to resolve conflict, I have to figure it out on my own. This morning, I re-wrote the KL Feed Street welcome post to include some of my thoughts on how vegan food affects and enhances our vibration. That got me thinking about being vegan, and my belief that our thoughts alone create our reality, even when it comes to our bodies and health.

I believe that it’s your thoughts and beliefs about food, health, sickness and every other physical expression that create the corresponding condition in your body. For example, if you can eat anything and never gain weight, it’s because you believe that, not because of your physical make up.

If I believe this to be true, and I do, how can I say that certain foods, vegan foods have a higher vibration than meat and dairy? Isn’t that just my belief, and if I change that belief, wouldn’t meat have the same vibration? How can I reconcile these thoughts, they are in complete conflict. And yet I firmly believe both of them. Well, maybe the thoughts aren’t conflicting, it’s my belief about livestock farming that makes me believe vegan food has elevated energy, and that belief is creating my reality, so the thoughts are congruent, but I’m still judging livestock farming.

Intellectually, I know that everything in this world is illusion; it’s all smoke and mirrors, and there’s no need for judgment, but I don’t want to believe that today’s livestock farming practices are acceptable, I don’t want to condone the mistreatment of animals. I don’t want to believe it’s ok. I do know that if I hadn’t experienced everything I have up until this point, I wouldn’t be where I am; one step closer to knowing who I really am. I had to have the experiences that I’ve had in order to be able to grow past them.

Experience is necessary for growth. We are all ultimately on a path to find our true selves, and we must experience whatever we choose to, to get there, each in our own unique way.

So, maybe it’s the same idea with the vegan thing, maybe that’s just part of my path, and I need to go through this experience to get to the next phase of discovery and enlightenment on my journey to knowing who I really am; it’s a process.

So, next time you have an internal conflict, check in with yourself and find out if it really is a conflict or a choice, and know that it’s ok either way. Trust that you are doing exactly what you must do in order to find your truth. Know that it’s ok to be wherever you are in your journey and there’s no need for judgement. Be kind to yourself; self love and acceptance are fundamental on your journey into self discovery.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!