Diamond Girl

Day 63

“Life is like a diamond in the rough, every cut or break only reveals more of the beauty and brilliance we all have waiting to expose.”

– Unknown

I had planned to continue writing the Diamond Girl series after my post on Monday, but I ended up feeling flu-like symptoms, got writer’s block, and then wrote about other things for the last couple of days. For some reason, I had a nagging feeling about this topic in the back of my mind and knew there was something more to it. If you’ve read Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life, then you know she’s got a thing or two to say about physical ailments, and how they are just the physical manifestation of what’s going on inside. Ever since I read her book several years ago, every time I feel sick or have a physical pain, I look it up, and always find that she’s bang on with her analysis. So, I looked up my symptoms this morning, the usual flu symptoms – headache, sore throat, earache, and of course, I found out that my symptoms have to do with writing the Diamond Girl series. Louise thinks I’m afraid, that I’m criticizing myself, that I’m angry and unable to express myself. Hmm. That’s a lot to take in.

I suppose it would help if you had a clue what the Diamond Girl series is about. When I wrote Monday’s post, it got me thinking about how my thoughts have manifested my love life, or lack thereof. I went through my adventures in dating in my mind, well, more specifically, my adventures in trying to find a suitable match for marriage. I could write a book or a whole book series just on that. You see, I started on my quest to find the perfect mate back in the mid 90’s, before online dating even existed, and long before I had a clue about the law of attraction.

If you’re Indian, then you probably don’t need the explanation I’m about to give, and you’ll probably laugh, and nod your head a lot. When I was about 23 or 24 years old, the aunties and uncles of our Indian community started asking me when I was going to get married. Now, you’re probably thinking, that’s pretty normal, no matter what your cultural background is. Yup, it is. The funny part is that most Indian kids who are anywhere from late baby boomers to Gen X, grew up in a household where dating wasn’t allowed – it was an implicit and yet, somehow a very clearly understood rule. And then boom, one day, the whole community, who, in your teenage years, you were afraid might catch you out with a boy and run to your parents to tell them “I saw Rajni walking downtown with boy”, <insert thick Indian-auntie accent here> now wanted, no, expected you to pick a boy, and get married.

Of course, I did date. Sometimes behind my parents’ back, and later, they knew and clearly chose to ignore. Oh the stories I could tell. One time my mom literally chased my boyfriend out of the house, with a broom. Now that I’m a hundred years old, that’s funny, but trust me I wasn’t laughing at 17. But I digress.

So here I am in my mid 20’s, not in the least bit interested in getting married any time soon, but I decide to go along, and meet some “arranged matches“ just to stop the constant nagging. At first, there are setups from family friends and relatives who know of a guy. If you’ve been on a blind date or seen any cliché movies scenes, picture that, but on crack.

Needless to say, the people in my community didn’t have a clue about what kind of guy I would like. Or maybe they didn’t care, and figured that they’re two single people whose backgrounds match so they should just do it. Not me. I’m holding out for perfection. I mean, I want the whole fairy-tale love story, and he has to have everything on my list. My crazy-no-one-could-ever-have-everything-I’m-looking-for-even-if-you’re-God list.

So, one-by-one, I meet ’em and reject ’em. At least two years go by, and I wake up realizing that I want to get married and I’m really disappointed that I’m not meeting anyone I like. I’m not doing this to shut them up anymore, I’m doing it for me. WTF? How did that happen?? Now, I can easily see how that happened.

The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and make believe, and if you keep repeating the same thoughts for long enough, your thoughts become your beliefs. And your beliefs help to form your desires.

Marriage was definitely on my mind, in my face, and everywhere I looked because I kept going on these arranged marriage dates, so I eventually internalized a desire to get married.

After meeting countless suitable candidates who were all too eager to tie the knot, disappointed, angry and frustrated with the process, I was ready to give up. Certain that I’d eventually meet my match, my dad would encourage me, tell me that it just takes time, to be patient, and that it would work out. My patience, which was in short supply to begin with, was worn pretty thin, and that’s when daddy started calling me a Diamond In The Rough. He said I just needed to work on my patience, but other than that I was “a diamond”. Twenty-some years later, I bring you the Diamond Girl series. I’m sure my dad is chuckling in heaven right now.

Now I look back and I see all the beliefs I had that were blocking me. No-one will ever fit the bill. This arranged marriage process isn’t for me. Every guy I meet is a loser. The guys I like never like me. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, it doesn’t even begin to address the opinions of my family and friends about the whole process. Aside from the direct messages, there were also the implied messages in the pre-meeting pep talks from well-intentioned loved ones. Don’t say too much the first time you meet. Wear conservative clothes. Don’t be so picky. You have to compromise on some things.

Of course, I accepted all those beliefs as my own, and they manifested exactly how the law of attraction says they will – in lack. Lack of the guy I was looking for because my thoughts were about what was wrong, not what was right. I’m the one who doesn’t like them, why do they keep telling me to be a certain way? He isn’t tall enough. I don’t want to move to another city. I don’t like the way he chews his food. No limiting beliefs there. Ha! I haven’t even touched on the fact that for twenty-some years, the message that I wasn’t supposed to date was drilled into my subconscious. You can’t like anyone, you’re not supposed to. We’ll talk about how that manifested another day.

You might be wondering what this has to do with positivity, or manifesting my dream life today. Everything.

Limiting beliefs block the flow of energy. Sometimes, there are connections between things that seem totally unrelated, and clearing them allows energy to flow freely to you, so that you are able to receive all the abundance that the Universe is trying to give you in all areas of your life.

Let’s keep chipping away, and learning how to uncover the limiting beliefs that are blocking us, and have a bit of fun and a good laugh doing it. After all, there’s more beauty and brilliance underneath the surface waiting to be exposed.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!