“It’s okay, you know? It’s okay to be you. It’s okay to just not be okay. It’s okay to not be okay.”
– Kristen Stewart
As the days of this week passed, I continued to struggle with my thoughts and feelings, feeling less like I had anything positive to share with you, so I thought it was best not to say anything at all. When I finally figured it out, I came to the conclusion that it’s ok to speak my truth, even when it seems like it’s not positive, especially when it seems like it’s not positive, otherwise there’s no authenticity in my writing or my message. That’s why I’ve called this the Keep It Real Series. Having said that, I think this may be one of the most positive posts I’ve written to date.
“I write about the power of trying, because I want to be okay with failing. I write about generosity because I battle selfishness. I write about joy because I know sorrow. I write about faith because I almost lost mine, and I know what it is to be broken and in need of redemption. I write about gratitude because I am thankful – for all of it.”
– Kristin Armstrong
I hate when I see people rant on social media. My eyes glaze over, and do the equivalent of a sprint, online. What I find even more infuriating is when someone writes a big long speech about what’s wrong with the world and everyone in it, and how they have been wronged by the world, but their speech is hateful and they offer no solution, other than the world should change to fit into their world view, and the kicker, they say they’re “being positive”. That actually makes me want to hurl. If you want your world to change, you must change your view of it.
Blog Beats: Got To Be Real by Cheryl Lynn
So, I was afraid of expressing any feelings that weren’t positive, I was afraid of being real, because I thought it was synonymous with ranting. What I’ve realized is that not only is that insane, but people need validation that they are allowed to feel what they do. That’s it’s ok to feel “negative” emotions, it’s about how you express them, and how you deal with them that makes the difference.
“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”
– Walter Anderson
Expressing a hurt is not the same as lashing out. If you’re just lashing out, you are looking to blame others for your experience, and you’re probably not ready to accept responsibility for your experiences, or ready to make a change in your world. That’s ok. When you are ready to accept that you are responsible for your experiences, you take the first step towards having better experiences. You are still “allowed” to feel hurt when you experience a situation that causes you pain, the difference is that you learn how to express that hurt without it being negative. I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m saying it’s the goal.
Being positive all the time doesn’t mean that you have to shove your feelings aside in the name of positivity, that’s not realistic or desirable. Being positive is about recognizing that all of your feelings are ok, and choosing to deal with “negative” situations and feelings by allowing yourself to feel what you feel – by owning your feelings, and then letting them flow through you instead of getting stuck in that moment. When you can see that there is perfection in everything that happens, you will see that there is a gift or purpose in all of your experiences, and corresponding feelings, even the “negative” ones.
It’s natural and human to feel a range of emotions. That’s what we’re here to do – to experience things; to feel things, not only “good” things, but everything that we choose to experience. Our greater selves know that this is an illusionary world and that there is no real good or bad, and we’re here for just for the experience…for all of it.
Your feelings are your navigation system, and they show you if you’re on course to where you want to go. If you never had a “negative” feeling, then you would never change, learn or grow.
So, don’t be hard on yourself if you have a “negative” feeling. Own it, allow it, learn from it, grow from it, and let it go. Embrace your feelings, all of them. It’s ok to not be ok. That means you are ok. Get it?
Thank you, thank you, thank you!